I have the boss from hell. What should I do?

April 13, 2010 – 5:38 am

“I have a job at a Fortune 500 company but I have the boss from hell who calls the women on his team “his harem” among other things. I have reported this and much more serious problems like the manipulation of territories to make the overall picture look better for himself. The money he is costing the company is outrageous but he is flying under the radar by blaming others. If I cannot get the powers to listen, should I get legal representation before he finds a way to fire me?”

–Debra

The Harvard MBA says:

Sounds like a very sticky situation.  I feel compelled to point out that this is an Internet advice blog, intended for entertainment purposes, and that you probably should seek out legal advice.  Nonetheless, here’s what I think you should do:

1) Do some scenario planning.

I’ve been involved in a number of lawsuits, and advised others who have been in similar situations.  A lot of times people like your boss or other shady characters will try to take advantage of you by trying to put you on the spot so that you’ll make a foolish decision.

One entrepreneur who is a personal friend was confronted by an angry investor who threatened to sue (on spurious grounds, of course) if my friend didn’t immediately resign from his company.  What he should have done is said something non-committal like “I’ll need to think about this,” and immediately called a lawyer, and then me.  Unfortunately, he panicked and resigned, and he was never able to regain control of his company.

Most of us don’t know all our legal rights.  I know I don’t.  But if you think something bad is going to happen sooner or later, don’t waste your time worrying about when it’s going to come.  Instead, plot out all the most likely scenarios and construct a plan in advance, so that when the time comes, you can calmly swing into action.

2) Document everything.

Save every possible incriminating email, document, or memo.  You probably have no legal right to keep that information, or to reveal it to the public, but that doesn’t matter.  What you want is to know where the bodies are buried.  You can always get access to that information via subpoena later on, and sharing that information with your attorney is protected under attorney-client privilege.

3) If you think conflict is inevitable, take the offensive.

If the situation becomes truly intolerable, and you have nothing else to lose, take the offensive.  Any Fortune 500 company has both an HR department and a strong desire to avoid negative publicity.  If you’re convinced it’s you or your boss, you have nothing to lose by approaching the HR department and laying out the issues.  Make sure you do this in writing, and save that evidence as well.  I’d also write directly to the CEO’s office for good measure.

What you’re trying to do is to make sure that you can’t be easily silenced.  Your asshole of a boss is going to try to torpedo your career anyways; your best bet is to turn a bright spotlight on the situation.

4) Get a lawyer.

Ultimately, if you listen to any of my advice, do this one thing: Talk to an employment attorney.  You’re not the only one who encounters these kinds of issues.  An employment attorney will know the right things to do (more so than me!) and while it may cost you a few bucks, I think your sanity is worth more.

By admin | Posted in answer, career | Comments (0)

What are your thoughts on mixed-race marriages and kids?

March 18, 2010 – 7:04 pm

My question has nothing to do with money. Instead, it’s about race. I noticed that you are Chinese-American and your wife is Caucasian. Lately, I’ve been hearing children of mixed race marriages refer to themselves as “mutts.” Now, I’m not trying to get into a rant about racism or engage in a long, windy discussion of society’s prejudices, etc. I just want to know the practical realities of how parents deal with this when their kids get asked, “what are you” and “what fraction of this and that are you.” I’m directing these questions to you because I particularly value your objective thinking and honesty. (Your approachability even when loaded with Ivy League degrees will eventually pay off as huge political capital, I guarantee it.) I absolutely hate it when someone acts like they need to turn to a preacher and scold people for talking about the real things in their lives. I know you fell in love with your wife, but did you ever want to marry a Chinese woman to have Chinese children? Did the fact that you were going to have mixed kids instead ever cross your mind?

I’ve been noticing these so called “mutts” are now days using these issues to publish books, get on Oprah, etc. Once again, I’m not trying to initiate a conversation about how they are victimized by racism. But when mixed raced children start talking about their racial “halves” and such and such, I get curious about what their parents think.

–Andie

The Harvard MBA says:

Thanks for the very thoughtful question. I do my best to answer the sensitive questions because I think that there are too few people doing the same.  There are plenty of places to get answers to the easy questions!

And besides, how many other blogs provide expert (and not-so-expert) opinions on business school admissions, investing, interracial relationships, and getting into the adult film industry?

Did you ever want to marry a Chinese woman to have Chinese children?

1) For whatever reason, my taste has always run to buxom brunettes with dark skin and curly hair.  So I knew from a  young age that I was unlikely to marry a Chinese girl.

Did the fact that you were going to have mixed kids instead ever cross your mind?

2) The idea of having mixed race children always appealed to me–behold the power of hybridization!

I just want to know the practical realities of how parents deal with this when their kids get asked, “what are you” and “what fraction of this and that are you.”

3) We tell the children that they are half Puerto Rican and half Chinese.  To which my daughter Marissa quickly responded: “I’m half Puerto Rican and half Chinese.  I’m a masterpiece!”  No worries about her psychology there!

I will note that my own experiences are influenced by the fact that we live in Palo Alto/Silicon Valley, where half-Asian children probably make up some 15% of the kids in the schools these days.  (Of course, most of these marriages involve an Asian wife and a Caucasian husband) No one bats an eye.

Things would be different if we were living in Puerto Rico.  When I went there on vacation to meet my wife’s family, people stared at us wherever we went.  For many people, I think I was the first Chinese person they had seen.  We only saw two other Chinese people the entire time we were in Puerto Rico, and both worked in the same store.  They stared more than anyone!  They also offered me some darn good prices on their merchandise.

The same applied when my wife and I went to China–she was followed by crowds who had never seen curly hair, and they all assumed I was her guide.

The bottom line is that I think the world is changing for the better.  Interracial couples and kids aren’t that unusual any more.  But as William Gibson said, the future is already here–it’s just unevenly distributed.  Some areas will be more mixed-race friendly than others.

By admin | Posted in answer, race, relationships | Comments (2)

What’s up with older women and younger men?

March 7, 2010 – 5:55 pm

I am interested in your analysis of the older women/younger man trend.  Let’s hear your authoritative point of view.
–Karin

The Harvard MBA says:

A question near and dear to my heart!  I’ve always preferred older women (some would argue that circumstances made this inevitable; I went to college at 15, so going for younger women would probably have been difficult, and certainly illegal) so I’ve often wondered why more men don’t share what seems to be an eminently sensible preference.

There are certainly many biological reasons that men go for younger women–it is incontrovertible that women are at their most fertile before the age of 30–so it is not surprising that most cultures consider young women more attractive than their elders.

Thanks to modern medicine and habits (after all, most now consider 2 children to be the ideal family size, versus the 5 or 6 of yesteryear), these reasons no longer apply, and there is no biological bar to younger men pursuing relationships with older women.

It’s also the case that over the past 10 years or so, there has been a renaissance in the portrayal of the sexual attractiveness of older women.  Numerous examples spring to mind, from the rise of the MILF (first mentioned in mass culture in the movie, “American Pie”) and the parallel emergence of the cougar (here’s an article I wrote detailing my own exploration of the cougar sub-culture), with real-life examples like Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher.  I don’t have a definite explanation for this, but I suspect that as with most things in American culture, it’s being driven by the aging of the Baby Boomers, who can no longer consider themselves young, but still wish to remain youthful.

Yet while our cultural perceptions may have changed, it is unclear that our habits have done the same.  The dating site OKCupid often uses its data to provide interesting insights into how our actions belie our words (here’s a fascinating article on race and religion in dating that is well worth the read), and has done the same for online dating age preferences.  Here is the key graphic:

As you can see, men of just about any age are willing to message any woman who’s legal.  They even message women who are younger than the age they’ve specified as their minimum.  Here’s the money quote:

No matter what he’s telling himself on his setting page, a 30 year-old man spends as much time messaging 18 and 19 year-olds as he does women his own age.

The irony, of course, is that older women seem like a better match with what men claim to look for in a woman.  Older women are far more likely to say that sex is one of their favorite activites, that they are okay with having casual sex, to be willing to contemplate a threesome, and to enjoy giving oral sex.  They are also more self-confident, and are more likely to say that they are happy with their life. (all stats drawn from OKCupid)

Perhaps older women simply need better marketing.  I’d be willing to bet that if I approached the average single guy and told him that I could point him to a group of women who enjoyed casual sex and were keen on threesomes and blowjobs, and who were also financially independent and less interested in marriage, I’d be dealing with a stampede.

Ultimately, my assessment is that there is a market inefficiency; men undervalue older women and overvalue younger women.  Most market inefficiencies will eventually be arbitraged out of existence; the cultural changes that I pointed out earlier may very well be the leading indicator of just such a change.  But in the interim, I would strongly advise a single guy to take advantage of this opportunity and try to find an older woman.  In a couple of years, she may be out of his league.

By admin | Posted in answer, relationships | Comments (0)

How should I organize my finances once I’m accepted to HBS?

December 27, 2009 – 7:22 pm

I am a 25 year old who was recently accepted by HBS and I am trying to organize my finances appropriately. I will work until July of next year so I can save some cash, but should I also lower my 401k contribution? Additionally, did any of the students trade financial securities for their personal accounts while you were there?
–Chris

The Harvard MBA Says:

Bear in mind that this particular Harvard MBA is not a registered investment advisor or tax professional, and that the economic conditions were, to put it mildly, somewhat different when I attended HBS.  That being said, I would advise you to continue your 401k contributions.  Because 401k contributions are both pre-tax and tax-deferred, they are tough to beat.

While you will want enough cash on hand to pay for HBS and enjoy yourself along the way, there are probably better ways to raise that cash than by diverting money that could be reducing your taxes and paying for your retirement.

When I was in school, the major banks would essentially loan you however much money you wanted, figuring that HBS students are good credit risks.  While times are different, it certainly seems like HBS is working hard to keep loans available, though the losses in Harvard’s endowment may eventually cause problems.

As for your second question, I can assure you that many HBS students continue to be aggressive investors.  I even had friends who didn’t need loans, but took them out anyways so that they could lever up and invest more in the stock market (I do NOT recommend this approach, but it did happen).

Finally, my hearty congratulations on your acceptance.  You’re about to have a wonderful two years.

By admin | Posted in investing, mba | Comments (1)

Do I have any chance of getting into HBS being 180° away from the typical applicant? Am I too different?

December 26, 2009 – 4:29 pm

I’m the polar opposite of the typical HBS applicant. My undergrad GPA wasn’t great and my degree is from the Harvard of contemporary music - Berklee. I’m 39, a woman and have vast entertainment industry experience working on records & films that people have actually heard of. I know HBS wants diversity throughout the student body, but do I have any chance of getting in being 180° away from the typical applicant? What admission strategy would you recommend for someone like me? I’ve never worked in a corporate environment. Am I too different?
–Jen

The Harvard MBA says:

Dear Jen,

You’re not too different.  In fact, those differences may actually help you win admission to HBS.

As I’ve noted before,  business schools aren’t actually looking for “typical” candidates and the quest for “diversity” has ruthless economic logic underlying it:

Business schools are in the business of building the best possible portfolio of students (or as I like to refer to them, “future alumni donors).  Like any investor, they prefer a diversified portfolio, and will allocate some portion of their investment (acceptance letters) to “alternate asset classes.”

Even better, while your business experience is unusual, it is still business experience, which makes it highly relevant to class discussions.  That means that you’re a low-risk alternate asset class–something that would probably be very attractive to an admissions officer.

As for your age, as I’ve noted in a recent answer,  while the average age of students entering an MBA program is somewhere around 27, it’s not unusual to see students in their 30s or even 40s.  If you’re open to new experiences (which it certainly sounds like you are), you’ll do fine.

By admin | Posted in admissions, answer, mba | Comments (2)

I’ll be 32 when I start B-school. Will I be able to gel with younger go-getters?

December 26, 2009 – 3:49 pm

I’m 31, and filling in my HBS MBA application forms - which means if I get accepted, I’ll be starting when I’m 32. I’m in the process of a career switch, from medicine to management - so the HBS Healthcare Initiative is perfect. But I’m slightly concerned at being in the older age group of my class and not being able to gel as well with the younger go-getters, as a significant part of my doing an MBA is for personal development and growing through meeting like-minded individuals. Is my concern valid?
–Marissa

The Harvard MBA Says:

Dear Marissa,

You’re certainly wise to put a strong emphasis on the social aspects of B-school.  As I’ve said many times, the network of friends that you develop in school is one of the most important assets you’ll get out of your time on campus.

The good news for you is that 32 would hardly get you put in the “older” category.  I attended HBS at 25, which made one of the youngest 5% of the class.  The average age of my classmates was 27, and I had plenty of classmates in their early 30s.  I even had classmates in their 40s and 50s.

The bigger difference isn’t age, but rather life situation.  Being 32 with two small children is very different from being 32 and single.  If you’re a “young” 32, you shouldn’t have any problems at all.  And even if you do have small children, you’ll still be able to bond with the folks who are in the same situation.

By admin | Posted in answer, mba | Comments (2)

Am I wasting my EE degree if I open a cafe/bakery?

September 19, 2009 – 2:23 pm

I’m 22, just graduated from college with a BS in Electrical Engineering (DSP/Communications Concentration) from a respectable university. I’ve had a hard time finding a job in this recessionary economy, and something that I don’t see recovering anytime soon. So, I’ve been trading stocks in the meantime, but I’ve also looked at the possibility of moving to Taiwan to open up a cafe/bakery shop of some sorts with my aunt, and hopefully eventually opening up a franchise of that store in the US. The only missing piece is the money. My parents aren’t too fond of me using my EE degree to open up a cafe/bakery shop, but for one thing, I like living in Taiwan, and secondly, I don’t see much hope of finding a job anytime soon. Is it ridiculous for me to consider “wasting” my EE degree on something I feel like I’d love to do?

The Harvard MBA says:

It’s never to ridiculous to do something you love (provided it is legal).  But I can understand your parents’ reluctance to bankroll your venture.  I don’t know what the right answer is for you, but here are some things you can think about as you make your decision.

1) Where do you have comparative advantage?

This is probably the main reason your parents are skeptical.  Basic economics argues that people (and nations) should focus their efforts where they have the greatest comparative advantage.  Having a EE degree gives you a much greater comparative advantage for certain jobs; there are far more people who could theoretically be a baker than a digital signal processing engineer.  The EE degree is also helpful for any sort corporate job, since it demonstrates your basic intelligence and capabilities.

2)  Going into business with family

When family and money mix, heartbreak is usually not far behind.  It’s great that you and your aunt get along, but who knows what will happen when you’re working together 20 hours/day, 7 days/week.  It’s also the case that your parents may be reluctant to bankroll other family members, fearing rightly that once they invest anything, they’ll be called upon for further assistance if (or rather when) things go wrong.  Finally, I don’t know what your parents relationship is with your aunt, but it’s possible that they’ve supported her ventures in the past with negative results.

3) Most new restaurants fail.

While restaurants are no more likely to fail than any other new venture, the three-year failure rate is still 59%.  That means that the most likely outcome in three years is that your cafe/bakery will have failed, and your parents (if they invested) would have lost their money.  I don’t know how rich they are, but no one likes to lose money.  More importantly, they don’t want to see their son spend the early years of his career on something that doesn’t advance it.

4) Are you sure that you love the restaurant business?

Research shows that we are terrible at predicting our own happiness.  While running a restaurant may sound fun in principle, you should do whatever you can to confirm or invalidate this believe.  Get a job at a bakery/cafe, and see how you like it.  If you have to, volunteer to work for free for a week.  You should also use the power of surrogacy.  Find someone similar to you who pursued their dream of opening a restaurant, and talk to them.  You may also want to talk to someone who pursued a conventional path.

Now all that being said, life is not about always making the most economically rational choice.  If you consider all these issues, and you still want to move forward with your plan, DO IT!

Life is short and uncertain; if you have clearly identified a calling that you love, and will make you happy, you’re already ahead of the vast majority of humanity.  Seize that opportunity and make the most of it.

By admin | Posted in answer, career, happiness, recession, self-awareness | Comments (3)

I’m Asian, Male, Average GPA and GMAT…Am I Doomed?

September 19, 2009 – 6:41 am

I’m a 26-year-old Asian-American male in the Software Consulting industry.  After careful consideration, I believe I would like to work in International Finance.  Is there hope for someone like me?  I’ve read some of your responses, and I seem to be a “too traditional” type of applicant.  Asian, male, average GPA, average GMAT (almost exactly in the middle of all tier-1 school statistics), don’t know any Harvard alumni, consultant.  Am I doomed to be completely uninteresting to tier-1 admissions officers?

The Harvard MBA says:

You’re not doomed, but it may take some time to position yourself to maximize your chances.

First of all, you do have a number of things going for you.  Even “average” for a tier-1 school is still a lot better than being “below average.”  Less than 50 people per year get a perfect GMAT score…even I didn’t (though I probably would have, if the GMAT hadn’t switched to their computerized format my year…)  But your chances aren’t going to be good unless you find a way to break out from the crowd.

Right now, you’re focused on the typical measures (GPA, GMAT, pre-b-school job) which could prove disastrous.  There are far too many qualified applicants; if you look like a “typical” applicant, you’ll get a “typical” result–a rejection letter.

Here’s where the hard work comes in.  You have to find a way to do something remarkable that will set you apart.  As I’ve noted before, business schools are in the business of building the best possible portfolio of students (or as I like to refer to them, “future alumni donors”).  Like any investor, they prefer a diversified portfolio, and will allocate some portion of their investment (acceptance letters) to “alternate asset classes.”

When I was in school for example, I had plenty of classmates who had little to no business experience, but had demonstrated leadership in other ways.  These were high-risk/high-reward investments that could individually flame out, but probably delivered a better expected value than simply admitting a few more McKinsey associates.

Demonstrate that you’re not just another typical candidate by doing something a typical candidate couldn’t do.  This may be starting a successful social enterprise in your spare time, writing a best-selling book, or becoming the next YouTube star.  But you need to start looking off the beaten track.  Staying on that track will doom your chances.

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I’m 38 and have been unemployed for 2 years. What should I do to get my life back on track?

September 7, 2009 – 4:20 pm

I am 38 years old - BS/BA in marketing - been unemployed now for 2 years - what do you think I should do?  I would like a MBA from a top-tier school but do not have the money.  What should I do to get my life rolling in the right direction?

–Mike

The Harvard MBA says:

Mike, I’m sorry to hear about your job loss.  This economy has put a lot of good people out of work, and I’m sure it’s frustrating.

It’s true that attending a top business school can be a boost to your job hunt; for many MBA students, this is the main lure of business school.  Thanks to the on-campus recruiting system, world-class companies come to you.  But even top schools are affected by the recession.  In good times, essentially 100% of the class has access to 6-figure jobs, but in tough times, a significant minority will graduate without a job…and with an extra $50-100K in debt.

Given the state of the economy, it is likely that we’ll be in a recovery by the time your prospective class (class of 2012) graduates, so getting your MBA isn’t a bad bet.  Schools like HBS have plenty of financial aid, even in these tight credit times, so you’ll be able to finance your education.

But before you invest 2 years of your life, I’d encourage you to make sure that getting your MBA serves a purpose beyond boosting your job prospects.  You’ll be in a much better position to take advantage of your business school years if you have a clear idea of where you want to steer your career.

Are you happy with your past work/industry?  Are you looking to make a change?  What kind of company do you want to work for?  Or do you want to start your own company?  Answering these questions is a good first step to getting your life rolling in the right direction.

And if you’re having trouble answering these questions, there are other things that you can do to help get those answers before you commit to b-school.

Daniel Gilbert’s “Stumbling on Happiness” makes the point that we tend to be lousy at projecting what will make us happy.  The best way to predict how we’ll feel about something is to see how others feel about it.

Network and find people who are doing the things you think you might want to do and talk with them.  Heck, network in general.  In any business community, there are folks who are well-connected and helpful–usually you can find them if you ask around.  Get to know these folks; not only will you be able to learn from them, but if you develop a good relationship, they’ll be thinking of you when they run across folks that need marketing help.

So here’s your concrete action plan: This week, commit to doing the following:

1) Identify 5 possible careers/industries/positions that you think you might enjoy

2) Assemble a list of local (or otherwise accessible) folks who match those criteria, and try to get some time to speak with them.  Your goal is simply to see if their situations might be a good fit for you down the road.

By admin | Posted in answer, career, recession, social skills | Comments (7)

How Can I Get Into The Adult Film Industry?

July 25, 2009 – 3:52 pm

I’m a pretty avid reader of “Adventures” and “Ask the Harvard MBA,” and so I was interested when I came across your recent post on the adult film industry (”Why I Love Pornography“).  I graduated from [redacted at asker’s request] this year, and currently I work for [redacted].  Since last year, I have been interested in learning more about the adult film industry, especially the financial viability of online sites (such as YouPorn, RedTube, etc).  Much of the content is similar to that on Youtube, but when videos are “made,” producers know that there will be a marginal cost (unlike home-made videos on Youtube and other content that was produced before Youtube was invented).

I have three questions:

1. If I were to eventually find employment in the financial division of an adult film company (to gain experience), would it affect my future career options?  Would typical financial firms and funds or VC firms look down upon this work experience?  Would MBA programs count it as a “strike” against me?

2. If I want to learn more about these industries, where would you recommend I turn?  I can check out the financial statements released by companies like Vivid, but is there any general industry journal/blog, etc?

3. How would you recommend I market myself to such firms?  I suppose general financial experience would be a plus, but do you think that they would look for industry-related experience (I don’t think any decent film that wants to make money would let me become an actor!)?  One idea I have is to start a blog that focuses on the adult film industry and historical platforms that they have used to market their product (magazines, DVD, video, internet, etc.).

The Harvard MBA says:

Great questions.  Hopefully HBS doesn’t decide to file a lawsuit against me for answering them!

1) Working for an adult film company isn’t necessarily a stigma; in fact, for some employers it might be seen as a bonus.  Of course, a lot depends on the nature of the work.  For example, I once hired a fellow who had worked on the website and strategy for a porn company.  To me, this was a huge plus on his resume–if anyone knows how to optimize, it’s the porn companies. I think the story would be similar for most financial firms (whose employees tend to be among the most enthusiastic consumers of porn).

Unfortunately, there are probably some outfits that would be less enthusiastic about this kind of job experience.  For example, I’m not sure how this would be viewed by the business schools, who can be a bit humorless at times.  I suspect this would also scotch your chances of working in politics.

2)  I’m not certain which blogs are the best at covering the porn industry, but the long-time leader in this industry’s trade press is Adult Video News, now abbreviated to AVN.  Here is their business site.  You might also want to attend a few of the industry’s trade shows, which are open to the public.  The major events I’m aware of are the Adult Entertainment Expo and Erotica LA.  Alas, I have never been to any of these events, so I cannot personally vouch for them.  Nonetheless, I think this Cracked article provides some good flavor, both for the events, and the business-savvy of the performers.

3) In terms of finding a job in the adult entertainment industry, I suspect that good old-fashioned networking is the key.  Get to know people who are in the industry, and they’ll be able to help you get involved.  Your idea of starting a “business of porn” blog is probably a good one.  When I looked up “porn business” in Google Blog Search, this is the only blog that appeared. If you do start this blog, let me know, and I’ll show you some link love.

As for becoming a performer, I’m afraid that it’s very difficult to break in as a male performer.  It’s simple supply and demand…the number of men who would like to be a porn star is far larger than the number of available slots.  I’ve heard that the best way to break into the industry as a man is if a female star insists that the producer cast you opposite her.  Male performers simply don’t have a lot of pull in the industry.  You might also try gay porn, though you’ll need a truly world-class physique.  I doubt Ron Jeremy would make it in gay porn.

By admin | Posted in answer, career, pornography | Comments (8)