“I’ve been single for about a year now, after breaking up with my fiancé. In that time, I have not so much as let another man kiss me. I just haven’t met anyone I’m very interested in enough to date.
My therapist advised me to ask my friends to keep an eye out for guys they think I would like (based on their knowledge of me and make-or-break criteria I inform them of). The thought of this makes me cringe. Isn’t it reek of desperation? Won’t they think I’m lame? Will they think I’m too picky to set up with any guy they know?
What do you think? Any and all advice on meeting a good mate would be much appreciated!”
The Harvard MBA says:
Thanks to the Internet, the dating world has changed. A lot.
It sounds like you’re worried about seeming desperate if you ask your friends to help you find someone. I can assure you that on the continuum of desperation, which goes all the way to anonymous Craigslist ads and Star Trek dating sites, asking your friends to keep an eye out for you is the equivalent of joining a convent.
One friend, a handsome, athletic venture capitalist, met his wife (an attractive Stanford GSB grad) on Match.com. (Funny story–when his profile came up on Match.com, her friends warned her, “Run a background check or something. There’s no way a guy this perfect can still be available. He’s probably a serial killer.”)
Nor does being picky carry much of a stigma these days. Another friend, also a venture capitalist, decribed his criteria as follows: “Professional Asian woman, between 5′ and 5′4″, age 27-29.” Yet another friend was only looking for Italian or Italian-American pilots between the ages of 30 and 35.
Of course, the crowning example might be the friend whose criteria for a woman were: “Regular user of Twitter and del.icio.us. Must subscribe to the Atlantic Monthly.”
The point is, it’s hard enough to find true love in today’s world. You might as well take advantage of every tool at your disposal.